One Year
by Ms. Mumpsimus
Summary: Summary: Kanda Yuu bounded Allen Walker in some kind of a contract for one year. However, he made it clear to the man that what was about to happen to them must not register on an emotional level. Little did he know that the young man he saw that afternoon in the subway was not really the man he thought he was...
1. Chapter 1

**Title:**One year

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

**Author:** Ms. Mumpsimus

**Author's note:** I know I shouldn't be starting a new story when I haven't even finished writing the others, and yet, this story was demanding to be written, and I was far too weak to refuse such a wonderful plot bunny. Now, the only problem is the grammar. Please excuse all the grammar fiasco that you will see. Another thing: This was rated M for a reason. Kiddies, beware. To those who mind, now is your time to turn around. And for those who don't, please enjoy. There will be two to three chapters at most.

**Summary:**Kanda Yuu bounded Allen Walker in some kind of a contract for one year. However, he made it clear to the man that what was about to happen to them must not register on an emotional level. Little did he know that the young man he saw that afternoon in the subway was not really the man he thought he was...

**9/22/2012:** Kind of edited (again). Again, I apologize if you have seen some of them. I'll will recommend reading this again, if you can. :) Thank you so much.

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"_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._

_I love you simply, without problems or pride:_

_I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this,_

_in which there is no I or you,_

_so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,_

_so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."_

― Pablo Neruda, **100 Love Sonnets**

**..**

**..**

Everything was clear between the two of them.

It was a matter that needed both their consent after all. Kanda wanted everything to be clear to avoid unnecessary complications but mostly because he hated complications more than anyone else.

He hated things he couldn't control and things he had no control with.

This was exactly the reason why when Kanda approached Allen Walker, a young man, barely 21, in a subway near the train station he always passed by when he go to his office every morning, he made it clear to the white haired lad that what was about to happen to them must not register on an emotional level.

It was a work for Walker.

And for Kanda, a way of alleviating his _pain_.

It was something that he couldn't avoid forever – that, he knew perfectly well.

He was just a man, and sooner or later, he would crave flesh.

He could have just chosen from the army of socialites swarming around him every day but his mind was rejecting every possibilities of being tied down by someone and lived his entire life in scorching hell.

Women were dangerous. They could be the perpetrator and act as the pitiful victim next. There was no guarantee they would honor their words and Kanda was so darn sure that every women he knew was after his fortune.

So, what made him think that swinging on the other side was any different?

First, he was gay.

He already knew that since day one.

People know that, too–It was not as if he was trying to hide it from them.

And secondly, He could just feel it; that was all and because it just so happened that Kanda was the kind of man that strongly believed on his instinct.

It was a pain in the ass sometimes –yes – but he wouldn't want his life any other way.

**..**

**..**

**PART ONE: Setting the (my) rules**

"You have to go to my apartment twice a week. _Clean_." He had already sent Walker to a doctor to check if he was unsoiled and the positive results of the checkup brought him adequate satisfaction.

"You can practically use everything around my pad, but never ever enter my room alone." Privacy was something Kanda deemed more important than any other things in the world and he made sure Allen Walker understood that.

"I don't want you calling my name," he said, his voice was low. He watched the young man keenly, like he was trying to decipher his thoughts at the moment. "I won't call your name, too. Let's keep this on a professional level and everything will going to be fine between us."

"You will be suitably compensated every week. You will also be given a credit card that you can use when you shop, eat outside, go to other places, or do anything – I really don't care what you do it as long as it is nothing illegal. Just make sure your actions won't put my name in jeopardy and we'll get along just fine."

Everything's well-taken care of.

Though their first time was quite a ruckus – tangled legs (Kanda was quite a tall young man), crashed lips, a little bruises here and there, and a few moans and curses thrown in the air – everything went perfectly well.

Well, preparing him had been quite tough because surprisingly, he was so tight and all.

And somehow, he knew that he hurt him in their first time.

But afterwards, after all his preparation, the pale young man beneath him (thankfully) enjoyed it based on the moans he elicited from him.

And most importantly Kanda enjoyed it, too.

And it made him think.

Now, he was not one of those curious men out there - not exactly (because, really, there was almost _nothing_ that could pique his interest that was why he was quite surprise that this scrawny man caught his eyes) - but at that day, he couldn't help but wondered if how many men (or women for that matter) this fragile looking man had in his life. He was one of those naive and delicate looking people and hell, looks could be really deceiving sometimes. When he first talked to him about his proposal, Kanda thought he was going to see a beet red countenance.

Or be slapped. Hard.

He was even thinking that he would be punched.

He was just damn sure he would be hit.

Still, he took his chances and asked him.

He thought this would worth any humiliation he might receive from the white haired beauty.

Auspiciously, he said yes.

Kanda couldn't believe that he nodded and said yes.

Without batting an eye, the white haired stranger said yes to his crazy proposal that afternoon.

So he thought, ah, he was like _that._

Hn.

He didn't even know if he was disappointed or what.

Because, really, he didn't even look like it.

Kanda bet that many people worshipping _that_ face and that he had many of them lined up behind his back, longing for his attention.

_And he is mine for the whole year._

That was also one of his conditions.

In one year, Allen would not see anyone than him to ensure that he was unsoiled.

It was already three months since he first acquired Allen Walker's 'services', and so far, Kanda didn't have anything ghastly that he could say to the young man. Allen Walker was surprisingly very hushed. He seldom talked unless he was being asked, a trait that Kanda found very positive and admirable. Allen Walker was an enigmatic man whose eyes were as pale as his complexion. His hair – the very first thing that caught his attention was the young man's snowy locks that kept on caressing his pallid face – was the most beautiful hair he had ever seen in his entire life.

He had seen many beautiful faces, but Allen's was a remarkable exception.

His face was just like an empty canvass.

_He is mine for one whole year, huh..._

Their weekly encounters were beginning to feel like a regular routine – Kanda would purposely leave his door open while he was waiting for a certain albino on the other side of it because Allen had this weird, annoying habit of waiting at the door (without knocking first to let him know that he was already there) for _hours_. He asked him, eyebrows were furrowing – _You have my key, right?_And when he answered –_yes_ – he thought the man didn't quite get what he had said about 'privacy'. He then explained again but was immediately shut down by a pale hand that suddenly mounted in the air and a soft voice –_I understand. I just don't like entering other people's houses especially when I was not invited._

This would give Kanda a few headaches in first three weeks of their setup.

"I already gave you my keys. That means I already gave you my permission to enter as you please."

"It's awkward."

Kanda's lips pursed in slight annoyance. "What is?"

"Entering a house without the owner."

Kanda needed to see something funny.

He closed his eyes.

He was trying to think of something funny, like people slashing other people's throats.

"I am inside."

"You don't know I that I am coming."

"_I am expecting you_."

"You still don't know what time I'll be arriving."

Headaches. Headaches.

Fucking headaches.

"Phone?"

The albino shook his head.

The creases on Kanda's eyebrows multiplied, "You don't have a fucking phone?" he asked, somewhat exasperated.

"No," was all that he said.

Kanda badly wanted to raise his hand and massage his poor temple.

A sigh.

Again.

"Alright," he looked up and met those gray eyes. "I'll wait for you then – just tell me when exactly you are going to arrive so that I won't end up wasting my fucking goddamn time standing in front of my door waiting for you. Do we understand each other?" His voice escalated at the last part of his sentence (or question, whatever it may be) – he felt his nose twitching – before he urged himself to calm down.

He was a calculated, calm, and cold person, for fuck's sake.

Kanda Yuu was not the type to lash out and all, you know.

He seldom got infuriated like a mad dog – detested it, in fact – because he believed that a man should always have a firm, tight grasp on his temper and rage.

He watched the young man's head bowed while muttering 'yes'.

He felt the corner of his left eye twitched again in irritation.

There was really something wrong about _that_face that he couldn't quite put a finger on.

He was beginning to hate that apathetic expression. He was now so goddamn curious if he could make this impassible man moaned and writhe in pleasure once he was inside him –

" –– next week."

Kanda blinked away his lingering thoughts and gaped at the immaculate face staring at him.

"W-what?"

"I might not make it here next week."

His eyebrows creased. "Why?" He asked, his tone was a little too high for his liking.

Was he concerned that the white haired couldn't make it next week?

Of course not.

He was just concerned about the sex, that's all.

It was just about the sex.

He just didn't want to be denied of his important needs.

"I have a business to take care of."

"What kind of business?"

Allen continued in staring at him, (Kanda was beginning to think that there was some dirt on this face) his face was still as stolid as ever. "Personal business." His eyes were so clear that he couldn't keep up with his staring game. It was as if those eyes were making him reveal his inner thoughts and fears.

_Personal business._Allen made it clear Kanda wouldn't be asking more questions regarding his 'business' next month by the way he said it. When someone said 'personal', you ought to draw a line, like 'It's a personal matter', or 'Sorry I can't tell you. It was kind of personal', and so on and so forth.

It meant that you could no longer ask questions.

It's already a s_top-poking-your-nose-into-my-matter_matter.

Kanda sighed and scratched his head. "All right. I don't really care, really. Just be sure you know your responsibilities and you'll be here the next day."

_Responsibilities._

It sounded so euphemistic.

But he waited. He waited – expecting to see something.

Something he thought would be fucking interesting.

He watched the young man's expression, fervent to see even a slight change on it upon hearing the term he used but all he saw was the usual polite face he was always wearing since the day they both had agreed on this mad indenture.

Utterly disappointed, Kanda sighed.

Really, his sighs were getting louder and louder each day since he met Walker. "And _knock_, please. If you really don't want to enter my house using the key, then at least _knock_. That way, I'll know that you are already here," he said, his eyes were suddenly fixed on the black converse Allen was wearing. They looked so old and tattered.

It was the same pair he saw him wearing two weeks ago.

"You're busy."

Kanda's eyes plunged again into those pallid ones. His held his breath for a few seconds before slowly trying to calm down his raging heart... and hormones.

_Bad move. Baad move, you bastard._

"You don't know that," he said, closing his eyes.

"I know. I know that rich people, like you, are always busy."

Kanda massaged his temple. All these innocent remarks were just making him harder than ever. He just wanted a good fuck and a good night sleep.

Allen step forward and grabbed his hands.

"Here's your key."

Those warm and soft hands brushed onto his and that was when he finally lost it.

Kanda's eyes widened in disbelief when he felt his pants tightened.

Fuck.

Was this his idea of seduction?

Because if it was, it was fucking working – fucking effectively.

"Bathroom," Kanda abruptly said, cheeks were heating. He was so hard it hurts.

_Fuck!_

"I'll be going then. See you this week." Allen deadpanned, unaware of Kanda's rather painful predicament.

He gulped before he turned around.

"Y-yeah, sure," he muttered, gritting his teeth, angry at himself for being so weak against _this._

_Damn you!_ He inwardly cursed his now painfully bulging crotch before closing the door.

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**PART TWO: The get-to-know-each-other phase**

After another two months, Kanda was proud to say that he was beginning to understand Allen's way of thinking, albeit a little.

He was not really as apathetic as he thought he was.

And he was... kind of different from what he really thought.

Somehow, Kanda was beginning to doubt if he had been right at all.

"I've already put your month's pay in your credit card. You can withdraw it anytime you want now." Kanda said one night, after their hour-long coupling. He could still feel the gravity of their last climax together and Kanda was fully sated.

Excessively sated, in fact.

The boy was really a good on bed and he had been good, too, if Kanda may say so himself.

He felt proud that he could make this calm and composed fellow writhed in pleasure.

Allen, on the other hand, was visibly still incoherent. His eyes still seemed not in focus. He looked tired and sleepy.

He inwardly smirked.

Then, he his elbow hit something. "What's this?" Kanda felt a hard thing under the comforter.

He reached it and was (a little) surprise to see an old model of a mobile phone.

His jaw almost dropped.

He didn't know that there were already mobile phones when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

He reckoned they would look really atrocious given that mobile phones started invading the human world in early 90s.

And the one he was currently holding now looked really awful.

Really.

He winced.

"Sorry, I think I dropped it last night there," Kanda heard Allen said, his left hand was extended and reaching the 'phone'.

"This is your phone?" He asked.

Allen nodded.

"I thought you don't have one?"

"I bought it yesterday. I reckoned it'll be best if I just message you rather than you waiting for me at your door. "

Kanda looked down at the horrible thing again. "You actually _bought_ this?"

"Yes."

"How much?"

"It's a cheap phone."

He couldn't help dropping his mouth again. "Yeah – it... it looks pretty _cheap_ to me," he scrutinized the horrific thing again and sighed. "You could have at least bought something presentable. I didn't know that there are still phones like this in the market."

"It's just for sending messages. I don't really mind it."

_But I fucking do._ "There are many affordable phones out there. New models in affordable prices."

Allen just shrugged his shoulders. "But not as cheap as that one."

There.

One thing Kanda found strange about Allen was his over the top thriftiness. He was giving him quite a lot of money these past few months and not even once he saw the man shop for himself.

He was sure that Allen wasn't buying anything for himself either.

He saw his rundown apartment (quite different from what he actually imagined) and there was nothing really quite appealing in his choice of furniture and his other belongings.

Everything looked so old and well – old and Kanda was thinking where all the money Allen was getting from his 'jobs' was going.

It was not as if he was raising a kid.

He was single and young. He could buy anything he wanted from all the money he was getting from his _costumers_.

Kanda was aware that he was giving him more than he had originally intended but it was only because he was satisfied by his 'service'. In fact, there had been a time that he thought he wasn't giving Allen enough. That maybe, Allen was comparing him to his other 'customers' and that gave Kanda a bitter taste in the mouth.

Then, he saw all of_that_.

And by carefully and patiently observing, he also gathered some unexplainable things about Allen that he didn't quite expected.

Kanda was bombarded by the fact that Allen only owned a one pair of old, almost deteriorating converse. He had only three (or two?) pairs of pants (including slacks), and one jacket. There were only four shirts, two long sleeves (one of them was the one he was wearing when he first saw him), and a few boxers and briefs.

When he asked about his cologne, shaving cream, deodorant and the usual stuffs...

"_Sorry, I don't have any of those," he answered unperturbedly, like he what he was saying was normal –like when you asked someone how was their day, you would expect them to say something like, 'I'm fine, thank you' even if sometimes, that wasn't really the case and they were just saying that for formality sake or maybe they were that kind of a person that was always happy, so saying they were not happy would bring more questions and that was exactly what they were trying to avoid –_that _kind of normal._

"_You mean you don't use any of it?"_

"_No."_

_What?_

_But Allen always smelled great._

_As a matter of fact, he smelled so great he thought he was using some kind of expensive perfume._

_What? Was that his sweat?_

_It was so fucking ridiculous!_

"_Shaving razor?"_

_For a moment, Kanda thought he saw a blush crept on the young man's face but when he looked at it again, it was not there anymore and he wondered if his eyes were now playing tricks on him._

"_No, I don't use that either."_

_Kanda's eyebrows scrunched. "But you are_hairless_."_

_Ah. Now he was sure he made Allen mad._

_Slightly mad._

_The man was pouting. His voice defensive._

"_I am certainly not_hairless_."_

"_You don't have hair_there _neither on your armpit."_

"_Can we just stop talking about my hair and where they usually hang around on my body?" Allen scowled and if not for the bewilderment he was feeling at the moment, he would be glad for the different emotions he was seeing on the young man's face._

"_It's kind of annoying," Allen added when Kanda didn't answer._

_He was slightly mad, yes. But mad nevertheless._

"_Why don't you buy –"_

"_It's a waste of money." Allen deadpanned._

It just didn't make sense.

Maybe, he was, after all, wrong about all his assumptions?

_No. Impossible. There was no way someone inexperienced could pull a straight face like that when being asked about sex, really._

Kanda sighed again and he dropped the phone on his bedroom table.

"We're going out," he said. He stood from the bed and grabbed his shirt and coat.

"But we're still not done for today –"

"We can do it some other time again."

That sounded so fucking wrong...

"Where are we going?"

He noticed that Allen was still not moving from the bed.

Kanda looked at those disheveled white hair, the wet, supple lips, and the exposed pasty lanky shoulders and abdomen that seemingly without any ounce of muscle in them. The other part of his body was, unfortunately, covered in Kanda's own quilt, much to his dismay.

Kanda could smell Allen's _natural_scent from where he was standing and it made him want to go back again there, and be tucked under that warm, inviting quilt.

He wanted to jump on the bed and ravish that fucking annoying body again.

He gritted his teeth and looked away.

Without looking back (and using so much force on himself), Kanda trudge on the door and said, "We're going to buy you a new, presentable phone," expecting the white haired man to follow him.

What he didn't expect was to be followed by a stark naked Allen.

Kanda Yuu, for the first time in his life, wanted to throw all the remaining pride he had cultivated inside him for the last twenty three years of his life and jumped on the this particular man he never would have thought would fucking change his life for good.

But he resisted.

And he fucking won.

Yeah.

Thankyoufuckingverymuch.

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**TBC**

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**Next Chapter:**PART THREE: The I-know-you-but-I-can't–really-fucking-understand-you phase


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

**Warning/s:** Mature contents below. I tried my best, really. Sorry if it was kind of half-assed. Unbeta'ed chapter.

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"_Of course it's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well."  
_**― ****Charles Bukowski**

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**PART THREE: **The I-know-you-but-I-can't–really-fucking-understand-you phase

Kanda stared at his phone. He couldn't believe he was really waiting for Allen's call. Really. It was already the third day, and he said he would come yesterday but then yesterday was a bit fucking outlandish day for him because his father came and he just had to ask if he was seeing somebody right now. So, Kanda guessed it was a good thing that Allen didn't come yesterday because he didn't really know what he would say if his old man saw Allen and vice versa.

Like, 'Hey, Dad, meet my new fuck, Allen Walker' or something like that.

Kanda winced at the thought.

That would be utterly gauche.

He saw his father sat at one of the chairs in the room.

He was already aware of what his old man was going to say to him– insist, again – but he just brushed it off with 'I'm fucking busy I don't have a time to fuck around' which, unfortunately, just made him laugh much to Kanda's fucking dismay. He was hoping for some nerve wracking yell from him, who was the most ridiculous thing that God had ever given to him.

He was different. Well, Kanda was kind of different, too, but his father was different _different_.

First, he had nothing against him going out with men. Well, really didn't outright tell him that he had some male lovers here and there, but Kanda was sure that his father knew and surprisingly, he wasn't really saying anything about it.

He had given him the privacy he was looking for and he didn't pry –that was probably why he couldn't really deny his biddings and these annoying matchmakings.

He was the only family he had after all.

His mother died when he was still in Kindergarten. He was barely four years old and yet he already understood that a life once gone was forever gone.

Kanda remembered her as a gentle woman and she never denied anything that he requested of her though there was a fine line that she drew between the things that he could and could not do when he was still a kid like eating too much chocolates or playing outside fast his curfew.

He always remembered her in her sun-kissed flower dress and the straw hat she would always wear when she go out with her father. Her long and beautiful fingers that was amazingly good at playing the piano. His mother was a good cook, too but she was never good at baking.

She was a beautiful, strong woman, and in his young eyes, she would forever be his 'most favorite person in the whole wide world'.

These small things were the only memories that he could recall about her – small things that mattered to Kanda that no one, not even his own father, know.

When she died, Kanda knew his father was crying every night.

He didn't show it to him but he knew he was crying every night because he was crying every night, too –secretly –maybe for the same reason his father was crying surreptitiously, too.

People talked about the brave little boy who did cry on his mother's funeral.

Some were thinking that he was just too young to understand.

They didn't know that amidst the strong facade he had put on at that time, a part of him broke when his mother died.

Then, Kanda realized that maybe that was when he started to look at other people as 'meaningless' creatures.

And maybe, that was the reason too why all of his relationships didn't work.

Because he wasn't really looking at them.

Maybe he was searching for anything that would remind him of his mother and when he couldn't find anything that resembled her in them, he would leave immediately without even offering an explanation –thinking that they were not enough and they would never be.

And when nothing seemed to work with his half-assed relationships with other people, he started to lose his interest in communicating in them.

He heard a low cough and Kanda met his father's eyes. They were, as usual, clear – too clear – and slightly smiling.

Very contrasting to his cold ones.

"How are you?" His father asked.

"Hn," Kanda grunted. He didn't really want to answer that right now.

"Just '_hn_'? '_Hn, I'm alright_' or '_Hn, no I am not alright'_? Which one?"

"What do you want?" He glared at him only because he was his father and he knew him well.

He couldn't really describe his father using only a vague and useless word as 'different' but until he figured things out – or he figured him out, he would be just _different_ for now.

"Do you want to meet Sakura next week? You know her. She was your schoolmate back in college and she is excited to meet you again after all these years. Isn't that charming?"

Well, aside from occasional pestering (like what he was doing right now) he was a great old man and Kanda really cared for him, maybe more than he would ever know.

Though they weren't exactly the closest pair of father and son, Kanda would like to think that their relationship was good enough, if not the best.

His father trusted him, and he also trusted his father – well, most of the times if he wasn't being the usual jerk he was.

Like this "Do you want to meet blah blah blah' of him.

"Stop shoving women on me, got it?" He said, his fist was clenching on his sides. He was beginning to get seriously annoyed by that perpetual smirk his old man had on his face.

He was exactly the opposite of him.

Kanda Yuu never smirked. Ever.

"I'm not exactly 'shoving' them to you, Yuu-kun. I was merely _suggesting_ some good women, that is all. See if the two of you are compatible to each other and who knows? Maybe after you met the woman of your dreams, you'll be able to settle down once and for all."

Kanda felt his eyebrows twitching in utter exasperation. "I do not have a 'woman of my dreams'," he deadpanned. "And what makes you think that I'll be able to find one at all? I hate women, and you know that."

"You loved your mother, Yuu."

Kanda snarled. "Don't even put her on the same category as those shits."

"I was just saying that your mother was a woman, too."

"She's different. And you know that," Kanda raised her eyebrows as if mocking his father with his stupidity. "She was your wife, after all."

His father sighed. "I don't really understand your hatred towards women, Yuu."

"You really don't have to understand."

"But you love them on your bed."

"That is different."

"That is not different."

"It is."

"Is not."

Kanda closed his eyes; a headache was more pleasant than having his father over.

"What is your point?" He asked.

His father sighed as he closed his eyes, too.

"Stop doing that, Yuu."

Kanda glared at him again. He didn't get it. "Stop what?"

"That kind of lifestyle. Your mother wouldn't be happy if she knew what you are doing to your life, you know."

"I don't see anything bad with it, Father. I am just merely living my life the way it should be."

"Fuck and go, is that it?" His father bellowed.

Kanda sighed.

Here they go again.

It's my life. I'll do what I want with it."

"Why don't you start from there? See someone who is good enough to be a bed partner and then get to know them afterwards? It's not that hard," his old man reasoned out.

Kanda almost rolled his eyes. "I didn't know the names of my _bed partners_ –as you put it."

The old man gaped at him; his mouth was hanging slightly opened. He looked like he was having a heart attack.

Or not.

"What?"

"Exactly as you heard."

"Not even a single name?"

Well, there was only _one_ exception to that, Kanda thought. While it was really true that he wasn't fond of asking any of his bed partners of their names before and after an intercourse (it was a required demand from him for them to never ask his name, too), there was someone that he had deliberately asked of his name because he deemed it necessary for their contract to work.

Then, out of nowhere, Kanda remembered a dull, but surprisingly very beautiful ashen-colored pair of eyes that were always looking directly at him like he was challenging him to do the same.

"Yuu-kun?" He heard his father called and Kanda clenched his jaws.

"Stop calling me that, please," he said while massaging his temple. Remembering that idiot was beginning to be a common thing to him and it was making his head hurt.

Why?

Because he didn't usually remember people.

They were ones who always, _always_ remember him.

It was always like that and not the other way around.

For the first time, his father backed down. He just said 'take care' to him before he finally went home. Kanda didn't know what happened but his old man stopped asking after that. Maybe he saw that he was beginning to be dangerously irritated.

He should know. Of all people, his father knew his temper well.

He wasn't smiling when he left, but it didn't look like he was mad at him, too. There was something on his eyes that was telling Kanda that his father knew what he was feeling at that time – the irritation, the boredom, and the conflicting emotions residing inside him.

It was like he knew what was going on in his head and for the first time, he wanted to snarl at his father for real.

Why everyone was acting like they knew what he was thinking?

He looked at the calendar beside his table, thinking that tomorrow, Allen Walker would be here again. He tried to calm his nerves, repeatedly telling himself that tomorrow, he would consume Allen as much as he wanted. No need to be so grumpy about waiting until tomorrow, really.

**..**

And then his 'tomorrow' passed. It was already 'today' but still, no Allen Walker came.

Waiting and the fact that he realized that he was waiting began to royally piss Kanda.

"Where the fuck is he?" He darkly muttered to himself, scaring at least ten people in his private office.

They all knew that Mr. Kanda wasn't really in his best mood today so they all agreed to stay away from their boss today as much as possible.

'Do not get in my way' – yes, they would do exactly as they were told.

**..**

The 'bad mood' day continued until Sunday morning. All of the employees inside the Empire building were now all informed about the grave condition of their big boss', Mr. Kanda Yuu, temper.

Until a small young man with pasty white hair came looking for their boss and suddenly, the air seemed like breathable again and they were able to work without their knees shaking and their hearts' leaping back and forth inside their ribcage.

The storm passed quietly.

And they all wondered who was the valiant young man that saved them all.

**..**

Kanda slowly moved, his hips were grinding the man beneath him. He was claiming three three-day's worth of contact that he should have got two days ago.

"D-don't grind your h-hips..." said the sweating figure beneath him. His white hair soaked in sweat and his face and chest were covered in fine sheet of tears and bodily fluids.

Kanda began to clench what was between of Allen's thigh and shuddered when the while haired man let a very piercing moan.

He felt his hands became wet with a sticky fluid coming from Allen.

Kanda's hardness became stiffer as he felt the while haired man's walls tightened on the sudden bulging of his manhood.

He couldn't believe that it was even possible to became this hard and arouse by just hearing your bed partner moaned.

"_You're supposed to contact me!"_ _Kanda yelled at him, his fist was shaking in frustration and anger. "That was exactly why you bought a phone, right? Or was it for other purpose?"_

"_I am sorry."_

_The half-assed apology that he kept on receiving since Allen got here was beginning to annoy the hell out of him._

_Allen Walker was taking him lightly. _

_He couldn't have that._

"_Strip," Kanda commanded as he calm his nerves. Coldness was seeping through his eyes. _

_He was angry._

_Frustrated._

_He was frustrated because Allen didn't even bother explaining to him what had happened to him. Or if he was hurt or there was something important he had to do that was why he didn't make it yesterday. _

_Allen's eyes blinked a few times. He saw his lips pursed, and for a moment, Kanda saw hesitation passed on his gray eyes._

_Kanda immediately regretted his words, but before he could say anything, Allen slowly began to undress right in front of him._

_Kanda knew, from the red tint adorning his pale cheeks, that Allen Walker was humiliated beyond belief. _

Allen's whole body was trembling. He was writhing on the bed like mad.

Kanda was actually ashamed to admit that he almost thought of coming by just hearing Allen moan.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, panting hard. His voice was husky as he tried to form the words in his mouth. "Hey..." He brushed the hairs sticking out on his forehead.

He restrained himself. He told himself he would make Allen come first before him.

He held the pale face and forced those eyes to look at him. A pair of beautiful ashen-colored eyes gazed at him for seemed like an eternity and it made him hold his breath for seconds.

Kanda always hated being taken aback.

But seeing Allen like that always made him harder than before.

Kanda propelled again.

A violent moan was heard echoing in the room.

"I-It hurts..." he heard him whimpered and he saw a tear escaped from his closed eyes.

Kanda clenched his jaw. He drew the warm body closer to him and started to plant kisses on Allen's sweaty forehead.

"It's alright," he said as he parted Allen's wet, supple lips, traced them with his thumb. "It'll be better soon."

When they were like this – tangled with each other's warm – Kanda thought that nothing could ever mattered as long as they could stay like this. Forever.

Kanda claimed those lips again, savored it, tasted it – as if they were exclusively his since the beginning of time. He thrust again and again until everything around them stopped moving and the only thing he could hear was the loud beating of their hearts and their ragged breathing mimicking each other.

"_Allen..."_

**..**

"What is that?"

Allen was staring at the piece of clothing that Kanda was inspecting.

"It's a suit."

"I know it's a suit."

"Then why are you still asking me?"

"Is that yours?"

Kanda snorted. "Obviously not. It's small, can't you see?"

"Then, for someone you know?"

Kanda stopped for a second, not really believing this young man's naivety – or stupidity.

Or maybe he was really doing that in purpose? To annoy him, for example.

Or to stop him from buying this goddamn suit.

Well, he couldn't stop him today.

Well, he did stop him yesterday and the other day before that, but definitely not today.

Allen's lack of clothing choices was beginning to irritate Kanda for some reason. And he was going to do something about it.

Yesterday, he decided to buy him a phone. A decent one.

But Allen, insisted that didn't need one and that was where it all began.

And yes; Kanda, due Allen incessant annoyance, couldn't buy him a phone yesterday, but in exchange, he did something more outrageous.

Kanda marched through every stall in the mall and purposely shoved every goddamn thing he could see to his cart while saying 'you need this', 'you need that'.

He could feel that Allen was totally _horrified_ – especially when he saw how much it would cost him.

Too bad, it really didn't register on his face.

His expression was, again, as blank as a white paper.

But he could tell that he wasn't pleased.

Kanda was beginning to understand that Allen's lack of reaction didn't mean he wasn't feeling anything. It was kind of hard to understand at first, but if you really looked closely, Allen, was in fact, a very expressive man.

"It's for you," _idiot._ He said and he couldn't help adding the latter in his thoughts.

Allen blinked his eyes, but his face remained impassive as ever.

"I don't need a suit."

"Yes, you do." Kanda ignored the young man and started looking for another tuxedo. He was thinking of getting a cream suit but then he believed Allen would look more dashing in black.

_Black... black_..._Fuck, it's all gray here. _

"I certainly don't need a suit."

Kanda just rolled his eyes. _I am so not listening to you._

"I need a black Armani suit," he called one of the two sales ladies standing in front of Allen, who were visibly eyeing the two of them closely (though white haired man didn't seem to notice).

The woman nodded and immediately flew somewhere inside the store.

"Oi," Kanda heard another call from Allen, but he just continued to ignore him. Kanda was now holding a gray Lacoste suit. He inspected the quality and nodded to the other attendant indicating that he would also purchase the suit in his hands.

He purchased three new black suits for Allen and two gray ones for him. Next would be slacks and pants.

Then, shoes.

_And some shirts, too._

Yeah, he needed to buy shirts.

"Oi."

"What?" Kanda snapped. _Oi, oi, oi_ – It was hella annoying. "Will you stop that?" He grimaced when he saw Allen staring at him blankly. Again.

Fuck those eyes.

"I do not need suits," Allen repeated, his face was determined. It was making Kanda crazy. Why couldn't he just accept it? Besides, he was only doing this because he needed Allen to be presentable whenever they had to go outside.

He couldn't afford him wearing some sloppy, old shirt and tattered converse whenever they dine out.

Kanda was doing it for himself not the other way around, for crying out loud.

"You need suits," Kanda deadpanned, leaving no room for an argument. When the two women returned, they handed Kanda a few boxes containing his orders.

He handed them his ATM card.

The sales ladies in the shop gawked at black, shining card that was handed to them. With a nod, they courteously said, "Thank you, sir," and bowed with the outmost respect.

Kanda just nodded and marched towards the waiting area. A man, maybe in his late thirties, offered to carry the boxes and Kanda handed them to him.

"We're going to buy you slacks, too. Next, shoes and –" Kanda looked at his right, thinking Allen was sitting there, but the seat next to him was undeniably empty. The white haired man was nowhere to be found.

"Allen?" He called out to him. He stood and almost ran inside the shop; his eyes were searching for a particular small white haired man.

His eyes caught him talking to those sales ladies before and he looked like he was insisting something to them.

Kanda almost wanted to bang his head on a nearest surface and just drop dead. He curled his fingers in his palm and closed his eyes for a second.

He was seething in annoyance. He strode quickly towards white haired man and held his left arm firmly. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I was telling them that you won't purchase those black suits." Allen deadpanned, his eyes were staring directly on Kanda as if he was challenging him right there and then.

_What are you going to do, big fella? Huuh?_ Or something like that.

The thought of Allen taxing him just made him more irate than before.

Before he knew it, he was already gripping Allen's arm. He knew he was hurting him but he was far too mad to notice these kinds of things right now.

He was just plain mad, that was all.

"Listen, I'll buy whatever I want to buy. Do we understand each other?"

He wouldn't normally get mad for this kind of trivial thing, but there was something on those eyes that he couldn't really understand. It was as if they were mocking him for what he was and what he were doing and it was making Kanda's blood boil.

He couldn't stand the fact that this man was making him feel these kinds of feelings. He couldn't stand the fact that Allen was still so damn calm while he was losing his temper by claptrap such as buying a suit.

He loosened his grip when he realized what he had just done. He winced inwardly when he saw the ugly reddish mark he left on that pale skin.

He looked at Allen. He tried to read his thoughts but all he could see was those impassive pair of eyes that were now staring directly to him again.

The people inside the shop was also staring hard at him. He wanted to shout at them – _scram! this is not some kind of a show – _but all he could do was stand there and gazed at Allen.

"I am –," Kanda faintly panted. He halted before he could blurt out the words that were now painfully ringing inside his head.

_I am sorry._

His jaw clenched.

Was he really going to say 'I am sorry'?

For what?

For hurting him?

Kanda was always hurting him – on bed, in the bathroom.

What the fuck was he doing to him?

Suddenly, Kanda realized, his world stopped revolving wholly around him. He didn't know when it happened. All he knew was that half of his world was now happily (and fuck that) revolving around a certain albino head who was, by far, the most dangerous human that he had ever allow to enter into his life.

He stared at those impossibly pallid eyes.

For the first time, Kanda was lost at what to do.

So he did the first thing that crossed his mind. Something that _he_ would actually do if he was really on his right mind.

He left.

**..**

Kanda wasn't feeling well the next morning.

He guessed that staying up the whole night while drinking booze was never really a good thing but he did it anyway. And now, he was suffering from lack of sleep and a fucking painful hangover.

Damn, just what he needed.

He gripped his robe. Barefooted, he tried to walk down his kitchen and almost, _almost _succeeded (he was almost there) when his legs decided to stumble on their own.

He closed his eyes. He knew he was going to hit his head on the floor – bad and loud. He was, actually, already expecting of shedding a few blood for what was about to happen but the fall he was expecting didn't happen.

He opened his eyes and felt warm hands clinching him, supporting his whole body.

He tried to look at the stranger's face to see who it was but his eyesight was starting to give up on him and the world he knew started to spin endlessly, lulling him to the comfort of sleep he deprived himself last night.

But before that, he was sure as hell that he threw up on the person holding him.

And a kiss. He remembered something about a kiss but he couldn't really remember if it was just a product of the alcohol or not.

Kanda also remembered biting something pliable and delicious.

He just wished he didn't bite his own tongue.

**..**

When he woke up in the afternoon, Kanda could still feel the weight of his stupidity last night. His head was aching like hell and his he could tell that he was sporting a bloodshot eyes.

"Hnnn..." he growled as he tried to sit up.

Alright. He was on his bed.

But he didn't remember sleeping here last night. Actually, he didn't even remember sleeping at all.

He drank the night away and then the morning came and... and...

What happened after that?

Kanda sighed and decided to get himself some water when a cold hand brushed on her shoulders.

His body bolted away and he almost hit head on his bed's post.

"Fuck! What the hell..." Kanda cursed as he tried to open his aching eyes and see Allen standing at the side of his bed carrying a tray.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you. I just thought you'll want some water. And I am sorry I entered your room without your permission. You started snoozing in the kitchen this morning so I reckoned you would want to sleep comfortably on your own bed."

Kanda stared at Allen open-mouthed. "W-wha –?" He didn't understand anything Allen had said. And so he asked him a different question. Something that would make him thought Kanda was already thinking straight even though it was the complete opposite. "What time is it?"

"Four in the afternoon," came the soft reply.

Shit. He had something to do in the office this five in the afternoon.

He tried to sit but then the spinning happened again.

Fuck, he didn't know he was really that drunk.

"Here, drink this first."

He gripped the glass that Allen was handing to him but the latter didn't really release it. He continued holding it as Kanda drank as if he didn't trust his current energy right now.

He couldn't really blame the man.

He was feeling as weak as a fucking baby.

He decided to lie down again but he tried to keep his eyes open. "When did you get here?"

"Around six in the morning."

"Did I see you this morning?"

"I don't know. You were about to fall when I find you. I didn't think you recognized me when I called you. Then, you passed out."

Kanda closed his eyes.

Him, passing out.

Shit.

He stopped himself from blushing from head to toe.

He tried to act normal.

"Really? But I feel fine."

"I caught you before the fall."

And that was the last straw.

Kanda felt his face being burned in shame.

He was a controlled freak. He wouldn't normally let himself be dead drunk like what he did to himself yesterday and worst, this man just had to see it all.

Great.

"R-really." Kanda gulped. "Thanks."

Allen didn't give him a reply. He just nodded and he was about to leave with the tray on his hands again when Kanda's eyes caught something.

"What happened to your lips?"

There was a small band-aid on the upper right corner of Allen's lips. Whatever he was trying to patch up was so red it was almost impossible to cover.

It looked a little swollen.

He waited for a reply.

And when the answer he was waiting didn't arrive, he lost it – again.

Allen just continued to stare at him like he was thinking of answering but decided not to.

Kanda was still drunk; he was feeling irritated, and the muteness Allen was giving him (again) was added to his already bad disposition.

"What the fuck's your problem? I was just asking you. Can't you fucking give a reply at least?" He lashed out, not minding his nerve-wracking headache.

"What? Are you deaf? Can't you fucking hear me?"

When Allen finally answered in his lowest voice possible –_you bit me this morning_ – Kanda felt like a jug full of cold water teeming with lots of ice cubes was being poured on him like rain.

Allen slightly bowed and went out of his room together with the tray he was holding.

When the door was finally closed, Kanda wanted to hurl and banged everything his hands could hold on to on walls of his room.

He wanted to scream so badly.

But instead, he clasped his face and just wished that the day would just end faster so that he could forget and pretend that everything that happened today were just a figment of his fucking overly active imagination.

..

..

**TBC**

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**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for those nine wonderful people who gave their opinions/thoughts about this story. I seriously need that –a push or anything that will set my mind and muse in motion again. Hope you can review this chapter again, and for those who couldn't review the last chapter for some reason, hope I can read about your thoughts this time. :)

**BBJ-Yullen**

**sova-chan**

**shia naru**

**sayo-chan64**

**Erstina 13624**

**Licohriqxe**

**Hello (hi, hello! :))**

**alguien22792**

****(I'll be sending a reply to your reviews tonight! Again, thank you so much for reviewing.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

**Warning/s:** Unbeta'ed chapter.

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"_Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. _

_No matter how fast light travels, _

_it finds the darkness has always got there first, _

_and is waiting for it."_

― Terry Pratchett, _**Reaper Man**_

_**..**_

_**..**_

**Part Four:** Allusion

And just like that, he would forget.

That was what Kanda thought as he slept the day away yesterday.

But instead of not remembering, every fucking details of yesterday's event came to haunt him like plague.

The rough kiss.

The biting.

And him leaving Allen behind in the store.

He now remembered everything.

He had not seen Allen since then. Kanda didn't call him either.

He didn't know what to say.

Well, he could start in saying he's sorry for being an asshole... and for the biting incident.

Kanda winced upon remembering his other inanity – biting and leaving a mark on the most visible part of the body of your partner was a very bad move. He hadn't done it before and he never would have thought that there would be a time that he would be too fucking stupid to do something as dim-witted as that.

He never marked anyone before because he hated complications.

If there was something that he was very grateful for yesterday's events, it was the fact that it was Allen.

If it was any other men or women, he was sure he would be fucking blackmailed now.

Kanda gripped his head.

Right. Allen was different from his previous partners.

He was distant, he was cold, and he was everything Kanda had never experienced before. All of the past lovers he had were clingy and that was why he was always the one who would initiate a breakup especially when he felt that things between them were no longer going the way it should be.

It had been almost a year since he met Allen Walker, eight months to be exact, since that fateful day in the subway. And since then, he continued to trouble his dreams and his rare smiles constantly lingered at the back of his mind.

Allen Walker had disrupted his pace and he didn't know what to feel about it.

He closed his eyes. He had to calm his nerves and think.

Kanda didn't know that it was a very awful move.

When he closed his eyes, he saw a naked Allen writhing from pleasure on his bed; hands were extended to him and he was begging him for a release.

Kanda abruptly opened his eyes and panted at what he saw. He licked his dried lips and clenched his jaw.

_What the fuck._

What was that?

He gripped the glass of champagne in his hands and shook his head. He had tons of paper works to do today and procrastination would do him no good.

He dialed a number. "Lavi?"

"_Yeah, speaking."_

"Please order me a Classic Peace Lily. I'll need it at my house before seven tonight."

"_Eh? Flowers? What for?"_

"Just do it, moron," Kanda snarled as he push the end call button of his phone.

And after that, he tried to whisk the memory of Allen away just so he could work properly.

This evening, he would call him.

He would say sorry.

..

..

..

It was already five in the afternoon when he arrived home. He checked his arm watch and smiled when he saw that he still had two hours to prepare everything.

He dialed Allen's number and wait for the usual blank 'hello', of the man but no one's answering. Kanda tried calling again but after a few rings, he heard Allen's automatic voice mail.

Irritation crawled onto him.

Kanda just left a message hoping Allen could hear it before seven.

..

..

..

It was already ten in the evening.

He already tried calling Allen again – _Sorry, the number you have dialed is temporary unavailable. Please try your call later_ – but the voice he kept on hearing since thirty minutes ago on the other line was just making him more riled than before.

It was as if Allen had turned his mobile phone off.

Kanda stared at the flowers on the table–Lavi kept on asking him until the last seconds before Kanda kicked him out of the door. He was saying something about him falling '_and falling hard, Yuu-kun! Shit! My friend is fucking in love!' _nonsense that just made him kicked harder until he heard the annoying red haired cussed in the air because he stumbled on the stairs–and the foods he managed to cook for one and a half hour. He had salad, lemon chicken, a bottle of _blanc de blanc._

Where could that _Moyashi_ go?

Gritting his teeth, Kanda swore that he would fuck Allen as hard as he could when the man get here tomorrow.

Kanda lashed out on the empty plastic bottle lying on the floor and that was only the time he realized how dirty his kitchen at that time. The dirty pans and bowls were scattered on the sink were making his eyes stung. Everything looked so fucking chaotic. The only thing that looked presentable was the table where the food and the flower were lying.

Kanda sighed as he brushed his hair with his fingers. "Great, Yuu. You are a _fucking _genius," he muttered to his himself before he finally moved to sort the kitchen out. He wasn't normally cleaning his pad but when the situation was too fucking gross for him to wait till morning for the cleaners, he would clean himself. It was not like he couldn't do it. He was just too busy to actually mind cleaning his own pad.

He was sorting out his plates when he saw something out of place on the top of the oven near the dishwasher.

It was a black, tattered wallet.

Kanda immediately knew who the owner was.

He was now sure that Allen didn't own anything relatively new. All of his belongings were at least ten years old or worst.

If not tattered, faded.

Kanda sighed.

He held the wallet in his hands and he jumped when a particle fell out from the thing. When he checked what it was, he almost shuddered when he saw what it was–mold.

In aghast, Kanda took all the contents of the wallet and swore that he would buy him a new one tomorrow.

And he wasn't even surprised to see that Allen had nothing in it besides old cards, receipts, and whatnots. Not even a single coin or money.

It was when he noticed a faded picture at the top of the receipts. He picked it out and stared at it.

It was a picture of two smiling white haired boys.

The other was Allen, Kanda was sure of who was the other one? He was a little dark skinned contrasting the pale complexion of Allen but they had the same eyes but it was kind of golden–pallid gold.

The picture looked so old.

Maybe Allen was only six or seven when the picture was taken.

His eyes roamed on the smiling face of Allen.

He looked so kind and polite. He looked stunning even when he was still a child. His hair was longer then and somehow, he couldn't help but imagine what Allen would look like today if he still had that kind of hair.

He would look absolutely beautiful, for sure.

Kanda shook his head and cursed at his line of was he doing imagining Allen as a kid?

He was not a pedophile, thank you very much.

He turned the picture over. He wasn't expecting to see a small note at the left corner of the picture. He read the elegant letters written on it, "_Allen and Neah brothers forever_". Kanda blinked.

Brothers?

Allen had a brother?

He didn't know that he had a brother.

Come to think of it, Allen had never talk about himself before. Aside from his name and his apartment, and his unusual and strange thriftiness, Kanda knew nothing about him.

He 'tsk'ed and promised to himself that he would make Allen talk himself one of these days. Not knowing things was always making him grumpy.

Kanda read the note aloud again. "_Allen and Neah brothers forever_".

Neah?

Kanda scrunched his eyebrows.

He looked at the picture again and stared intently at the dark-skinned boy next to Allen.

Was this Neah?

Why did he look familiar?

Maybe he was just remembering someone he had met before that had the same unusual complexion.

Like Tyki Mykk.

Kanda grimaced when he remembered the man.

They didn't really become a couple because of their strong personalities. There was no way in hell they could be together because he loved screwing, not being screwed and so did he.

Besides, he kind of hated the man's guts.

And his smirks.

It irked him.

Actually, there was another reason why he had the right to abhorred him.

Tyki had a dire habit of stealing his lovers way back in college. Well, he really didn't mind though because it helped him get rid of some annoying pests. All he got to do was to parade them in front of Tyki and the poof, the next morning they were already an item.

The only hitch was that people would sometimes think that he was allowing Tyki to snatch his things. Well, he didn't really care back then and there was no way in hell he would care now.

Kanda looked at the picture again.

Maybe that was that.

The boy just looked familiar because of Tyki.

_I mean, there is no way in hell I would know Allen's brother, right__?_

..

..

..

**Part Five:** The truth Allen came the next day.

It was five in the afternoon. Kanda had to put a pissed facade to avoid letting out the truth that he was happy.

Well, Allen did ditch him yesterday. He had the right to be angry in a way.

"Where the hell did you go? I called you last night but you weren't answering the phone," he said while his eyes were roaming on Allen's body.

Shit. He badly wanted to pounced on that body and let those pink lips moan again.

"I am sorry," Allen slowly said. He wasn't looking at him and somehow, this made Kanda irritated. Again. And he was just lusting on him a few seconds ago.

Kanda sighed.

Alright. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. He wasn't stupid.

He took a small step forward.

Then, he saw Allen flinched.

Kanda clenched his fist and took the distance between the two of them in two long, strong strides.

In an instant, it appeared that he was about to knock Allen in one swift punch but that wasn't what happened.

Allen's eyes widened in surprise.

He was being squeezed between Kanda's strong arms and he could feel the long haired's breath on his neck.

It made him shivered a little.

"S-sir?" Allen asked, his voice was so small that Kanda couldn't almost hear it.

Or maybe it was because his own heart was beating so loud that he couldn't hear it.

"Don't call me sir, bakaa," Kanda muttered as closed his eyes and snuffled at the fine scent of Allen – who wasn't using any cologne or perfume but could still smell so fucking invigorating and refreshed.

"You sound stupid. Well, you are stupid. But calling me 'sir' makes you more stupid, you know."

Allen blinked a few times before he spoke, "But you told me not to call your name."

Kanda scowled. "I didn't say anything like that."

"You did."

"Did not."

"You did."

"I said, I did not!"

"_I don't want you calling my name. I won't call your name, too. Let's keep this on a professional level and everything will going to be fine between us,"_ Allen said, almost mimicking the low tone of Kanda when he first said that.

Kanda reddened. "S-shut up!" He shouted at Allen who was still locked in his embrace.

They remained standing like that for a few more minutes before Kanda broke the thickening silence.

"Call my name," Kanda said.

Silence.

Kanda sighed as he took Allen's forehead to his lips. "Call my name, _Allen_."

Kanda felt Allen stiffened beneath his hold. He released his grip on his body and looked at the white haired man's stunned expression.

"Allen?" His eyes followed Allen's eyes and saw the old, black wallet that was lying on the table near his bed.

"Ah. I found it near the dishwasher yesterday. Really, Allen... you should already buy a new wallet. That one has a mold on it." Kanda said in an appalled voice. "We'll go out today to buy one, if you want. And don't worry about the price. I'll let you choose, alright?"

Allen remained staring at the wallet. "Y-you saw what's in it?" Allen asked.

"Yeah. You have a weird habit of collecting receipts, Allen. I saw a few old cards and pictures. Why? Is there something I should not see?" He couldn't help but tease. "Maybe I should look one more time?"

"Pictures. You saw the pictures?"

"Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that?" Allen was indeed looking at him funny. Like he didn't know what to do.

"What picture did you see?"

Then, Kanda understood it all.

"What? Are you mad that I found out you had a brother?" Kanda grinned. "Maybe it's about time you meet my old man."

"You saw the picture of my brother?"

"Yes. You and your brother–I think. That was your brother, right?"

"Yes."

"Then, yes. I saw it. Was it bad? Seeing that picture, I mean."

When Allen looked at the floor, it obstructed his view on his face. "What can you say about the picture? About my brother?" He asked. Kanda felt his eyebrows creased. What was this? He could feel something odd in this conversation. Allen was being oddly talkative right now.

"Well, he doesn't look like you."

"We have different mothers," Allen said. It irked Kanda that he couldn't see his face. But he didn't say anything. Allen was already talking. If not for the odd feeling he felt a while ago, he would say that this was a great opportunity to know more about the white haired man.

"Really," he said, encouraging him to talk more. "How old is he?"

He saw Allen smiled and Kanda wasn't sure about the weird feeling he felt when he saw that smile. There was something unusual about Allen today that he couldn't quite put a finger on.

"He's 24 years old. He's two years older than me."

Kanda nodded. He was beginning to feel awkward. He wasn't used asking others about their personal lives because he didn't want other to pry about his private life, too.

He sighed and patted Allen's shoulders. "I won't ask anymore if you really don't want to talk about him."

"_You don't... really remember him?"_

Kanda stopped and stared at Allen's moving lips. He was saying something, he was sure, but he couldn't quite hear it because he almost whispered in the air as if it wasn't meant to reach his ears.

"What?" He asked, inching towards the white haired man. "You were saying something. What was that?" Kanda was staring at Allen intently.

Allen didn't say anything after that.

And somehow, Kanda couldn't help but felt he had missed something so important.

..

..

..

After they went to the shopping center, Kanda let Allen go home early that night.

When Kanda turned his back to go inside his pad, he was sure that Allen stopped for a while and stared at his back for God knew how long. But when he turned around again to see if he was right, Allen was already walking away from him, and somehow, the distant between them that slowly widened as Allen walked away seemed so far and cold leaving Kanda shivering from the inside from an unknown chill and solitude he didn't know would wrap him for the next five years of his life. Kanda didn't know that that night would be the night that Allen would disappeared from his life.

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..

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**Part Six:** Uncovering

It was New Year's Eve when he first had a lead to Allen's whereabouts.

Two months of painstakingly searching.

Kanda used everything he could to search for Allen but deep inside him, he still couldn't understand why he was doing this.

Or why was he so hell-bent on seeing him again.

_Our contract is not yet done. _

Yes. Kanda still had two months for the contract to be over but Allen suddenly disappeared and that meant he breached their contract.

But Kanda really couldn't say that.

Why?

Allen left all the money at the two ATMs he had given him for the last eight months together with all the things he bought for the white haired man.

The suits, the wallet, the shirts, shoes... everything.

It appeared that Allen didn't use any of them.

At first, Kanda couldn't understand any of it.

Well, he still couldn't understand it now that was why he had to look for Allen for answers.

_Why did you leave?_

_I'm sorry. I was an asshole the whole time I was with you__._

He wanted to ask many questions. He needed to be sure about what he felt.

Fuck. He needed to see Allen Walker again no matter what happened.

Kanda had to and he would.

..

..

..

Kanda saw Allen entered a small white building.

Kanda stared agape when he first saw what kind of establishment it was.

It was a fucking mental hospital.

..

..

..

He wasn't meant to stay hidden. He wanted to let Allen know that he was there and he would follow him anywhere that was why it was futile to run away from him again but something stopped him.

He followed Allen in a small white room. He forced to smile at the female nurses who had seen him to avoid questions as to why he was here.

He didn't want them to ask if he was here to visit someone because that would mean he had to lie.

Thankfully, no one asked him.

After almost an hour, Allen came out from the room a nurse was tailing on his side. Kanda had to grip his fists so hard when the woman placed her hand on Allen's left cheek as if worried about him.

Truthfully, Allen looked like shit. He was so pale and thin that he wanted to take him from a nearest hospital for a check-up.

Or to his house.

He shook his head.

He had far more important things to do.

The nurse ushered Allen downstairs for a check-up. He heard the woman saying about 'take care of yourself' and Kanda couldn't agree more.

Kanda slowly walked towards the white small door and opened it.

And there, Kanda saw him.

He didn't recognize him right away. No. But slowly, as he stared at that sleeping figure in white robe, he became aware of that familiar pointed nose, those lips that were now dried, and that unusual dark complexion that made him alluring and enthralling before.

It was _him._

Kanda couldn't move.

What the fuck was happening?

Why was he here?

Did Allen know him?

He remembered something;

_It was a picture of two smiling white haired boys. _ _The other was Allen, Kanda was sure of it. But who was the other one? He was a little dark skinned contrasting the pale complexion of Allen but they had the same eyes but it was kind of golden–pallid gold. _ And Allen's odd facial expression when found out he saw the picture. "_You saw the picture of my brother?"_

Then, it hit him. Hard.

"Neah..." Kanda gasped, eyes were widening from shock.

This was Neah.

Neah Walker.

He now remembered.

He wished he couldn't but he did.

Why didn't he see that before?

"_I didn't know the names of my bed partners –as you put it."_

Neah Walker was his lover five years ago.

..

..

"_Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that."_

― Louise Erdrich, _**The Painted Drum LP**_

**..**

**..**

**Next chapter: **Part seven: Goodbye


	4. Teaser

**Disclaimer: **I do not own DGM.

**Warning/s: **A teaser. Unbeta'ed.

..

..

..

_"You will always be loved, _

_and you will always be in love with love."_

— Oscar Wilde, _The Picture of Dorian Gray_

_.._

_.._

_.._

Allen smiled.

He had been smiling since he got here.

His brother was caressing his hair. They were sitting on the hospital bed for quite some time now. His brother was just staring at him, smiling.

"You got nice hair, 'Len," he said as he chuckled.

Allen smiled.

"Thank you. You've got nice hair, too," he answered as he ruffled his brother's hair with his fingers. "They feel nice to touch."

His brother shook his head. "No, yours is nicer. I wish I have hair like you."

Allen smiled.

His brother smiled at him too.

"But my hair down here," he started reaching out under his pajamas. He was stroking what was inside. "They're kind of stiff and they smell different!" A laugh followed. "How about you, 'Len? You have them too?"

Allen smiled.

His face was drenched in tears. And as he reached his hand to ruffle his brother's hair again, another tear fell from his tear-stricken eyes.

Allen smiled.

"Yes, Neah. Yes."


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own DGM.

**Warning/s:** Unebeta'ed. Awkward grammar.

**Author's Note:** *bowing* Thank you so much for all those people who read and reviewed this story.

**..**

**..**

**..**

_"Whatever made me the way I am left me hollow, empty inside, unable to feel. It doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm quite sure most people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake it all. I fake it very well, and the feelings are never there."_

— Jeff Lindsay, _Darkly Dreaming Dexter_

**..**

**..**

**..**

**Part Seven:** Goodbye

_You don't have to forgive someone like me._

_But please... live._

Kanda, frozen on where he was standing, staggering a little. He still couldn't believe that it was Neah. He almost had forgotten about him. It had been so long and Kanda was not the kind of man who would remember someone who was long gone from his life.

His legs felt wobbly for the first time, his mind was racing.

What was this all about?

Memories of distant past came rushing to him, blurring his eyes, his ears, and his ability to think straight. He didn't know what to think anymore. He was still staring at limp body of Neah on the white bed, his eyes were still widening. His throat felt oddly dry. When he tried to leave the room, his back crashed on an open white cabinet knocking a few bottles of water and a few books.

He stared on the floor and something caught his eyes.

The books were Allen's.

The man loved reading. Kanda had actually given him a few titles himself but it were all returned to him that day along all the things he had bought for the white haired man.

His eyes browsed the pile of books on the floor and a familiar feeling of disappointment rested on the pit of his stomach when he found out that not a even single book was familiar to him.

Allen sure didn't leave anything behind, Kanda thought.

It made him think of that odd pain in his chest again giving him a chance to momentarily forget his current problem at hand.

He stared at his hands and clenched it.

Allen ran away from him and he was here to get him back.

It was all clear to him now.

This gave his legs strength to stand and carry himself. He looked at Neah with a new determination but as he swung himself to the door to finally confront Allen, it suddenly opened, revealing a tall and dark-skinned man with a deadly golden pair of eyes.

Those orbs were staring straight to him as if he knew who he was.

"Who are you –"

"Why are you here?" The man asked, his eyes were never leaving his face.

Kanda raised his head, defiant. "I'm here to see Allen," he said, not even bothering to say his name. The man didn't ask for it, and there was no way in hell he would give it to him.

Besides, he looked like he knew Kanda well to glare at him .

The man's eyes opened not more than a slit, his authoritative voice was echoing throughout the room. "Get out. He doesn't need to see you right now."

Kanda clenched his teeth. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Get out."

"I want to talk to Allen," he said, emphasizing every word.

The man's aura intensified. His eyes became more menacing than before. "How dare you show your face here after what you've done to them. You have no right to see either of them anymore!"

Kanda's eyebrows scrunched.

What was he talking about?

He was about to ask what he meant when he heard a familiar voice outside the room - it was talking to a woman. Kanda looked at the dark skinned man in front of him and he could see that he didn't want to see whoever that owner of that voice was.

Kanda remained calm.

The two of them stared with each other with a heated glare and no one wanted to gave up first.

It was when the door opened again.

Their heads swung to the new guest.

Kanda saw a familiar mop of white hair and a pastel complexion.

It was Allen.

Kanda's heart ached upon seeing the man closer. He was so painfully thin. His hair had lost its natural bounce, his eyes were lifeless and somnolent – Kanda had never seen so tired eyes in his life.

Allen looked exhausted and dead beat.

He didn't move for a few seconds when he first saw him. His eyes went back and forth to him and to the dark skinned man, and then to Neah. Kanda saw saw something glistened in his eyes.

He thought it was anger.

But he knew that it was more than that.

"Oh," he exclaimed. He nonchalantly walked towards the bed where Neah was lying. He tucked the loose bed sheet in its proper place before speaking again, his back was facing Kanda. "I remember now," he said. "I still owe you your last fuck."

Kanda didn't have to see the white haired man's eyes to see that they were devoid of any emotion.

Funny, but he also missed that.

"Allen!" The dark skinned man shouted. He was trembling; his face was a picture of infuriation and pain.

Allen turned to him, his lips were pursed.

For a moment, Kanda saw Allen wavered. His eyes were glassy as if he was about to cry, his pale fists were rightly balled on his sides. He looked at the tall man as if muffling an apology. Their eyes were speaking to each other and Kanda felt something awful bubbled inside him.

It looked like they'd known each other for a long time.

Allen looked below his feet before sighing.

When he looked up, he was wearing his apathetic mask again. "Leave, _Sir_. You don't have any business with me anymore," he slowly said, his eyes were not meeting his.

_Business, huh..._

He badly wanted to run to his side and locked the albino into a firm embrace.

He missed him.

But he knew had to restrain himself.

Kanda clasped his now cold fist. "I need to talk to you," he said summoning all the tolerance he had.

"Please don't call my name so familiarly."

He wasn't exactly waiting for a warm welcome but this was something he didn't quite expect, too.

Kanda was blown away by Allen's frosty words.

There was a vast coldness in his voice and Kanda couldn't believe that the silent man he held in his arms for so many times was capable of such cold demeanor.

He had always looked so fragile in his hands.

And from that time, he understood one thing; He didn't really know who Allen Walker was.

It was as if a horse hit Kanda on his chest. He couldn't breathe properly.

But there was something that he knew would never change.

And that was the warm feeling Kanda felt when he was lying beside Allen and the several times the man let him inside his world.

Allen was silent and inexpressive from time to time but he wasn't unfeeling. He was aloof but it was only because he was just too shy to talk and to make a conversation.

He knew the value of hard work and he didn't take life's smallest gift for granted.

For Kanda, he was the most expressive human he had ever met – and the most kind.

But Allen was slowly getting farther and farther away from him and that, Kanda realized, was something that he couldn't really allow.

Not when he was starting to understand these weird feelings he started to feel when he met him.

Not when he was here standing so close to him.

"I-I just want to talk." Kanda didn't mean to stutter but stutter he did. This was seriously getting out of hand.

"We don't have to talk. There is nothing to talk about anymore."

"Why did you leave?"

"Get out."

"Answer me."

Allen's face contorted with pain. "Get out I said!"

"Then answer me!" He shouted, too. He wanted answers! He wanted Allen to talk to him. He wanted to embrace him and to never let him go. "I want to know the real reason why you fucking left me!"

There were so many things he wanted to tell him, so many things he longed to convey. But the man was making it so difficult to just even talk.

**"**Answer me, Allen. Why did you leave?" he asked again, his voice was hard.

He received no reply.

His eyes wandered to Neah's sleeping body. "Was it because of him?"

And then, it happened.

"Do not talk about my brother in that tone, you good-for-nothing bastard!"

Kanda was taken aback by the emotion that was now displaying on Allen's face. He had never heard his voice so potent and lively before.

But still, there was something he couldn't understand in this mess.

"I am sorry if I didn't recognize Neah in the picture. He was still so young and..." Fuck. He didn't really know what to say and saying sorry again and again seemed like idiotic even for him. But what else could he say?

Come back, Allen. I need you.

Kanda almost winced.

"Really, I am so sorry." Kanda wanted to ask what happened to Neah, too, but he knew that would be just plain tactless. Instead, he watched Allen struggled in trying to answer him; pain was still warping his beautiful face. "But we are no longer associated with each other. Y-You can even ask him if you want..."

The dark skinned man standing at the corner of the room trembled furiously.

And indeed, if looks could kill, Kanda would be long ago out in the cold, dead.

But it seemed like Allen's presence was hindering the man from beating the hell out of him.

Kanda couldn't help but feel jealous by this.

Then, he heard Allen muttered something.

"Why? Why aren't you groveling at your feet...? It was... It was your fault, you goddamn bastard... It was you... It was you..."

Kanda's mouth opened in disbelief. What the hell was he talking about?

Allen snarled at him, reddening. "You made my brother's life a living hell!"

Everything didn't make sense. It was as if these two were blaming him for whatever happened to Neah. He looked at the limp body lying on the bed then back to Allen.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, clearly confused.

Before Kanda could really understand what was happening, he felt a sudden dark, dark ache on his face and the pain of being blasted on the wall.

He wildly coughed; his insides were all begging to come out.

"Tykki! Stop it!" Allen shouted, clasping Tykki's arms. "You promised!"

Tykki's jaw trembled. He was still furious. It wasn't enough. This man – this sad excuse for a man made Allen and Neah's life a living hell. He could crush him in his hands, break his skull but he was sure that nothing would be enough to satiate and pacify the anger he was feeling at that moment.

Taking even his life would never be enough.

..

Blood started to coat his face.

_Tyki? _ Kanda thought to himself. He looked at the raging man in front of him wide eyed. Was he...

Something clicked inside his mind.

He stared at those angry golden orbs.

Kanda almost shook his head.

_No..._ _It was not him. There is just no fucking way..._

Kanda winced as he rubbed his chin.

_Shit._ It fucking hurt.

He watched Allen hold the tall man and that made everything hurt a thousand more.

He panted; his eyesight was getting blurry at each passing second.

_Damn. _That man knew how to punch, he thought.

He looked at Allen again, trying to see his expression right now.

"I don't k-know what you are talking about," he said, hating his slurring voice.

"Stop pretending you don't know anything, bastard!" The man named Tykki shouted. He was about to charge again when something caught the man's eyes.

Kanda saw the man's eyes widened into an unbelievable size like he was seeing something supernatural right in front of him.

Allen looked pretty surprised, too.

It was when he heard another voice from inside the room.

"Neah..."

"Neah!"

It had been years since Kanda last heard that naturally enthralling voice.

But right now, it sounded raucous.

"Hey... Stop damaging Yuu's beautiful face, Tykki," he said, staring at Tykki who was frozen on his spot. "He didn't do anything wrong."

Kanda turned his head to Neah, who was now sitting on the edge of his bed, looking amused.

Gone were the child-like expressions that Allen used to see on his brother's face.

Tykki looked like he saw a ghost and Kanda, who still couldn't understand what really was going on kept quiet. He just stared at the man he used to know once upon his life.

Then, something flashed on Kanda's mind.

He saw Neah looking at him, too. He was smiling despondently.

A knowing expression crossed on Kanda's face.

Somehow, he understood what that meant.

Neah slumped on the edge of the bed and scratch his head. "Man, what how did this happen, huh?"

_This is so fucking messed up,_ Kanda thought.

..

Everything happened so fast.

Before they knew it, Neah was standing close to the opened window.

He was saying something to them, Kanda couldn't seem to understand it all.

He could only understand a few snippets of Neah's words, his mind was still occupied by many other things.

_... not insane. _

_Pretending..._

_Love._

_He._

_...brother._

He was afraid of what Neah was capable to do at this moment. He wasn't exactly insane, but he wasn't on his right mind either. He could feel Neah's frustrations in life radiating from him.

His pent-up aggravations and everything shitty that had happened to him.

"_This must be a blow to your ego, huh?" he said one rainy afternoon inside a children's amusement park. Kanda had an idea of what was going to happen but he didn't say anything. _

_"Imagine, someone is actually dumping you?" he laughed, seemingly amused by the situation. "Kidding... I know you will not take this to heart." He patted his shoulder, smiled, and then kissed him on his left cheek. "You are a great man. Though you are a little hard to handle... Just smile a little more when you are with your new lover. It'll help to smooth things out between the two of you."_

_Kanda just remained impassive. But he did feel that he was kind of cheated – not because he really felt something towards Neah, but because he wasn't the one who broke up with him._

_Kanda had a twisted personality like that and he was perfectly aware of it._

_"You know," he started, smiling. "I'm in love with my brother." _

_He looked at him. _

_"Yuck, right?" _

_Kanda's face remained blank. _

_Laughter. _

_"Don't worry, he didn't know." His eyes gloomed. "I mean, there is no way I could let him know about that, right?" He kicked a stone on the ground and watched it flew away from them. "He'll hate me, for sure and I don't want him hating me..."_

_Kanda didn't say anything as he patted his head._

_He didn't know why he did that but he knew that he just did._

_Neah looked at him, eyes were widening. _

_They were twinkling._

_And this somehow pissed him off._

_"Wow... I didn't know you are capable of doing that, Yuu..." _

_Kanda smacked him right after that._

A loud laughter made Kanda snap out from his thoughts.

Neah was leaning closer and closer on the window.

Kanda felt his hands get clammy.

"I figured this was the easiest way to catch my brother's attention. Aren't I pathetic?" There was that laughter again. "I made my own brother suffer just because I couldn't tell him my own feelings."

Allen looked horrified, not with confession, but by the fact that Neah was standing too close to the opened window. He started to panic when Neah just smiled at him.

"Neah... Please... Get away from the window... We'll talk about this. I'll listen to you, Neah, so please... Get away from the window."

Neah smiled sadly at Allen. It was a sad smile, yes, but it was also tender. His eyes glistened under the sun.

Then, he looked at Kanda and grinned. "Yoh, Yuu. Long time no see, huh. You looked awful."

Kanda just gulped. He could still feel the numbing of his jaw and the rusty zest of his blood. He couldn't even nod.

He couldn't even say a word.

He was afraid.

"I didn't imagine that we would see each other again – and well, certainly not in a situation like this."

Kanda 's drying throat worsened. "Neah," he knew his voice croaked but he continued. "Get away from the window. You'll fall."

Neah laughed, his left leg was now already dangling on the other side of the window. "Here I am, trying to give you two a happy ending and what? 'You trying to waste it away?"

Kanda didn't know when Allen started to cry.

And now, he was sobbing so hard it was all he could hear.

"He's in love with you, Yuu," Neah slowly said, almost whispering. Then, he playfully added, "Well, I didn't actually hear him say that but I knew he does. Allen's is madly in love by his brother's ex-lover," he laughed as if he found it so interesting. "Such a small world, huh?"

Kanda fists clenched on his sides. "Neah, please..."

"Tykki," called Neah, not looking at his brother. His eyes were staring directly at the dark skinned man. "Take care of Allen, alright?"

Tykki didn't answer. He was just anxiously staring at Neah.

He laughed, as if he remembered something funny. "I won't forget those half-assed love confessions I've heard from you."

Like the rest of them, Tykki looked apprehensive to approach the man. He kept on glancing at Neah's legs, afraid that he would push himself using those and jump just like that. "Neah... Don't do it. Please. For Allen, at least," he said.

Neah shook his head and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't return your feelings. I was still madly in love with my naive little brother, you see. That doesn't change after all these years," Neah continued. "But you are a great man, Tykki. I am sure you'll find a great woman you will marry someday. You will have a happy family that Allen and I didn't have the chance to have."

Kanda saw Tykki moved slowly to approach Neah, his eyes were fixed on the man in the window. A strong determination was etched on his eyes.

"Stop, Tykki," said Neah. He climbed more to the window and they could almost see his lower half body dangling outside.

Tykki was about to call for help but he was stopped again.

"I'll jump," he said, serious, "if you open that door, Tykki."

That made him stopped again. Cursing in the wind.

Allen tried to walked towards the windows where Neah was almost perching. "Neah... Don't do this. Talk to me. Please..." he muttered between his sobs.

Neah's eyes softened. His gaze returned to Allen. He looked below for a moment and said, "This will end it all, brother. I will no longer hurt you. I will no longer inflict sadness on you."

Allen looked like he was about faint any time now.

"I am so sorry for all the trouble I caused you, Allen-chan..." For a moment, they thought he would tightly lock the white haired man in an embrace but instead he just smiled.

"I-I have so many t-things I wanted to ask to you, Neah... Please... Just stop this..." Allen said between his sobs. "I don't want to be a-alone... I don't... don't... I don't want to be alone..."

An excruciating pain passed on Neah's face. "See? Until the end, I am hurting you..."

Allen shook his head. "No... I love you, Neah. I love you. Can't you see? There are so many people so loves you. T-Tyki will also be sad... Don't leave us, please... Please... Oh God..."

Neah smiled as looked at Tyki again.

"Well, I undoubtedly believe that I don't deserve Tykki, you know..."

A pang of pain crossed on Tykki's face. Kanda could see him gripping Allen's arms too tightly.

"...because he deserves so much more. He deserves someone who will love him for eternity – and not some man who likes men," he said as he laughed.

Neah looked at his brother again.

"Hey, stop crying," he softly said. "You know I don't like seeing you cry."

Allen shouted. "Then stop this! Get away from that blasted window and let's talk!" His voice was so hoarse from so much crying and shouting.

"I love you..." Neah muttered, serenely smiling.

Allen halted his steps. "...Neah!" he shouted.

Kanda saw Neah's lips moved slowly, as if he was reciting a mantra.

_You don't have to forgive someone like me._

_But please... live._

The trees outside the room danced together with their loud, ragged beating hearts.

And then, a strong gust of wind suddenly whispered in the air, and Kanda could swear that until now, he could still hear it riotously ringing inside his ears once in a while.

..

..

_.._

_"When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time. _

_It's the saddest thing I know."_

— Laurie Halse Anderson, _Speak_


	6. T H E F I N A L E

**One Year**

**T **H** E **F** I **N **A **L** E**

* * *

_"Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they're born."_

— **F. Scott Fitzgerald, **_**The Beautiful and Damned**_

* * *

"Let's get you inside, sir. It's kind of cold here now."

"No, I'll be fine. I like the cold."

The nurse stopped for a while and stared at the old man sitting in an opened balcony. A diffident look was plastered on her face.

"You can go now," he repeated, reassuring the woman with his smile. "I'll call you after a few minutes."

The nurse finally smiled and nodded. "If you say so, sir," she politely said as she bowed her head.

The old man's smile didn't falter as his eyes followed the woman to the door. When he was so sure that he was all alone again, he closed his eyes as the hushed silence immediately embraced him. He turned his face on the dim forest below him and cuddled at the cold wind that was gently blowing on his face.

It was cold.

But a fire was constantly burning inside him, keeping him comfortably warm.

It had been a year since then.

_A year, huh..._

* * *

_"Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you."_ — **Ralph Marston**

* * *

"I don't understand it," a girl lowly muttered to herself as she looked outside the glass door of the computer shop. She was asked by his father to watch over the shop for while he was gone.

The boy blinked at the girl and asked, "What happened?"

"You see those men?"

The young lad peered at the two men walking away at a distance and nodded. "Are you talking about the short one?"

"No, the tall one."

"And?"

The girl scratched her head. "He walked into the shop this morning and asked for a printer."

"What of it?"

"He just asked me about that printer again—just now—a few seconds before you came here."

The lad squinted his eyes in confusion. "Did he finally buy it? But he isn't carrying anything with him."

The girl sighed. "He already bought it just this morning."

"Wow... Good for you, then. Your father will be happy—"

The boy stopped and raised his eyebrows. "Wait a darn minute... You said that he asked for the printer this morning then he went here asking for the same printer again just now but then he actually already bought it when he first came here? What was that?"

The girl, Mari, pursed her lips in irritation. "That was why I said I couldn't understand it, stupid."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Enlighten me, please."

"I'm sure it was him who bought the printer this morning."

"Then why would he ask for it again?"

"I-I don't know. When I told him he already purchased the printer this morning, h-he became stiff and he had this serious expression on his face. T-then, he said thanks and he left together with that pale haired man."

"Are you sure it was him? Maybe they just resembled each other... That could happen, you know. There were already so many cases like that."

Marie shook her head. "I'm so sure that was him... And besides, there aren't so many _gaijins_ here, you know. I would know when I see one, wouldn't I?"

The boy just shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you have a point."

"Maybe they are twins or something?"

"Well, who knows?"

* * *

_"People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it."_— **Elizabeth Gilbert, **_**Eat, Pray, Love**_

* * *

"Is that alright?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That woman called you '_gaijin_'.

Tykki snorted. "I can't believe you still heard that. We're already pretty far away from them, you know."

"Well, she was talking loud enough for me to hear and besides, you heard it, too, baka."

Tykki just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "I've been called worse, trust me."

"I can't believe how calm you are about it. Some foreigners are not pleased when people call them that."

"Well, I guess I am not just some foreigners, then."

"Half," the shorter man said, nodding.

"_Sonotori desu yo_,"Tykki answered, faking a weird accent.

The man beside him laughed.

"I would like to remind Tykki Lawrence Mikk-san that he sounded exactly like that when he first came here in Japan," he said, laughing and amused by Tykki's antics.

The foreigner smirked. "Well, I've already gotten rid of that blasted accent years ago."

"But you still hate wasabi."

"That is a different matter —"

"And you don't like eating sushi."

"—that should not be brought into this conversation.

The shorter man burst out laughing.

Tykki just smiled, contented in hearing the almost melodious sound of his companion's mirth.

After a few seconds, he stopped and turned into him again, his expression was playful.

"But seriously, you two surprisingly have the same taste, huh?"

Tykki pursed his lips but did not comment on his remark.

The man understood the silence and he just smiled, knowing some day, the two brothers would talk again.

Just like him and his precious younger brother, Allen.

He scratched his head.

"You're parents weren't really that creative, huh?"

Tykki looked down on him. "What do you mean?"

"The names."

Tykki just shrugged his shoulders. "Ah," he nodded. "The two of them are pretty eccentric."

"What is his name again?"

"Who?"

"Your brother."

Tykki sighed, knowing the man wouldn't really stop until he got what he wanted. It was not like he hated his brother (big brother, actually). It was just that they had way too different personalities that they seldom get along.

"Tyki Natanael Mikk," he grumbled.

"Who is better in bed, you or hi—"

"It's me of course," Tykki deadpanned.

A lot of passersby flinched and recoiled when they heard a young and handsome white haired man cackled hysterically on the street while clutching on the arm of a tall dark haired foreigner who was awkwardly trying to pacify the man to no avail.

* * *

_"When you breathe, you inhale and then you exhale. But every single time you do that, you're a little different than the one before. We're always changing and it's important to know that there are some changes you can't control but that there are others you can."_— **Dan Dunne, **_**Half Nelson**_

* * *

Allen was drowning.

He tried gasping for air but something was stopping him from gathering them into his lungs again so that he could breathe.

Deeper and deeper he fell into an abyss and Allen started to squirm his way out but a pair of strong hands was hindering him from totally breaking free.

"Hnnnmm..."

Deeper and deeper he fell.

Oddly, amidst the cold he was feeling outside his body, the white haired man was slowly smoldering inside.

"Hnnnmnnnm..."

Allen opened his eyes and there he found the _thing_ that was trying to smother him to death. He found strength on his arms and he started to push the _thing_ away from his face to breathe some air.

He saw Kanda snapped from his stupor and scrambled away from him, almost hitting the lampshade on the bedside table.

"I-I'M S-SORRY!" he said, wide-eyed, lips were sensually damp and red. He looked so darn embarrassed that Allen thought he would run away the second he moved from the bed.

"I'm s-sorry... I-I wasn't thinking straight. I w-was just trying to wake you u-up and... and..." Allen saw him swallowed hard; his whole body was trembling slightly in shame.

The stammering sounded and looked so adorable though.

It wasn't every day that he saw Kanda in this kind of stammering mess.

"It's okay, Kanda-kun," he said. "I didn't mean to push you. I just thought I was drowning and—"

Kanda flushed some more.

Allen still wasn't used in seeing this side of the stern Kanda Yu he knew before.

"I-I swear-! I-I wasn't doing a-anything weird! I-I brushed my teeth this morning and I—!"

Allen sat on the bed. "I'm the one who should apologize. I haven't gone to the bathroom yet and—"

"NO! You tasted good!"

Allen halted.

Kanda stopped when he realized what he just said.

Allen, who could not really understand what was happening and how the hell did the two of them get in here, blinked.

Kanda reddened so much that Allen began to worry if he was really feeling alright.

"THE BREAKFAST I-IS READY! I'LL JUST WAIT FOR YOU DOWN STAIRS!" The long haired man shouted as he hurriedly went out the room.

Allen was left on the bed, confused.

"Will he be alright?" he asked to himself.

He brought his fingers on his face, slowly tracing the damp lips that Kanda was ravishing just a while ago.

Then, he understood.

Did he want _it_?

He should have just asked him then.

Allen's eyes slowly widened when he remembered the look on Kanda's face when the man was kissing him a few moments ago.

A slight flush was seen creeping in on his face as he slowly hid it underneath the pastel strands of his hair.

Kanda looked so _ethereal_. Allen knew it wasn't even a word that one should use when describing the sometimes horrible and pompous attitude of the aloof young man; but at that moment, it fitted him well enough.

Allen smiled.

Beside the spacious bed covered in white linen, a picture frame was seen displayed at the right corner of the table. It was a photograph of four young men—two were widely smiling, an arm was coiled on each other's shoulder while the other two who're standing at the back were not looking at the camera at all; They were, instead, menacingly glaring at each other as if they were having a silent, cold war that only the two them knew.

Allen looked outside the window.

_I am living._

The trees outside the room danced together with his calm, beating heart.

And then, a strong gust of wind suddenly whispered in the air, and Allen could swear that until now, he could still hear their past riotously ringing inside his ears once in a while.

_I am living._

_We all are._

* * *

_"It was the kind of kiss I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know I was never so happy in my whole life." _— **Stephen Chbosky, **_**The Perks of Being a Wallflower**_


End file.
